Why hello there voters! You've heard his slogans - you've read his posters, you've burnt his manifesto... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Forward not back
Yip. This month's man is Anthony Michael Howard-Blair. He is going to be Our Glorious Leader. Democracy is coming to the UK... but only for a day. After that, it's stay off the streets or you'll get an ASBO, stay outta the meetings cos their pigged to high heaven, and most importantly - stay in line cos it's forward to the future. Not past to the back, skip to the right, swing your partner or any of that radical freethinking shit. Oh no. Anthony Michael knows best.
The bogeymen cometh
And what does he know? He knows the best way to protect the citizens of this country is to keep them safe. Safe from the Bad People.
They're out there, The Bad People, he doesn't know where, but he can smell them. He knows the best way to fill the coffins, sorry, coffers of state. Slavery, gunrunning, it's what made this country great. It's what they know best - these rotten to the core party grafters, I mean - bastions of state.
Keep safe, keep quiet
Yes, after 5 May we'll have a Brand New Leader. Lots of Good New Things. New laws, nice laws. Things to keep us safe. Like identity cards and policemen with tazers. There'll be new wars too, and no end to the old ones.
So buck up chaps and start penning ditties of struggle and revolution. Cos if you're thinking what I'm thinking - it looks like we'll need them.